Handle Perfectionism and the Fear of Making Mistakes

Audio found here.

Many skaters, many people consider themselves Perfectionists. For many years I struggled to rid myself of perfectionism. I called myself a “recovering perfectionist” until I had an “aha” moment when a mentor I was working with told me to embrace my perfectionism.

What do you mean?

Nothing is all bad. Perfectionism has it’s good points. It allows us to really pay attention to details. To be able to distinguish errors in minute pieces. In skating, this is a valuable asset.

Attention to and awareness of details allows us to correct technique more quickly and with less trial and error than it would take a less aware skater.

Perfectionists often mistake their drive for perfection with the drive to not make a mistake. This can quickly become the fear of making a mistake, which can lead to paralysis.

Being afraid to make a mistake is what we call “stinkin’ thinkin’”.

Mistakes:

  • Show us what to work on to improve.
  • Give us a chance to decide if we are on the right track or if it’s time for a change.
  • Allow us to feel the triumph of accomplishment when we finally get it right.
  • Are a great learning tool.

I recently read something that struck a chord it was borrowed from a sermon by Maurice Boyd,  a New York City preacher who’s sermons are famous.

In speaking about mistakes, he gave three clear analogies.
As you read them, answer these following questions:

  • Which example do you currently live?
  • Is it working for you?
  • If not, which example do you want to live?

Example 1

Waterford Crystal
The Waterford company is know for it’s high end, quality crystal. Waterford’s Chandeliers hang in Westminster Abbey, Windsor Castle and the Kennedy Center. Possibly the most famous American “landmark” is the New Year’s Eve Ball dropped in New York City’s Times Square to mark the start of the new year.

Each crystal is considered a piece of fine art. Each surface is scrutinized and meticulusly inspected for the slightest crack or imperfection. The piece is immediately shattered if any flaw or deformity is found.

One beautiful crystal, perfect to the naked eye, is destroyed. Dust on the floor to be swept away. “A punishment for a defect nearly too small to be seen by the human eye.”
One beautiful crystal, perfect under magnification, hung on a beautiful chandelier.
Two outcomes: tragic or triumphant.

“Notice how close perfection is to despair. “

Example 2

A Potter shapes a form out of clay. Oops, he makes a mistake. This mistake is not in the vision But instead of throwing the piece away or destroying it, the artist finds a way to reshape the piece around the mistake, as if there was never a mistake at all.

Example 3

A rug weaver, famous for making some of the world’s most amazing rugs. She hand weaves intricate designs taking hours and hours of meticulous work. As the rug takes shape, the shapes change and symmetrical designs can become asymmetrical.

The “mistake” is not smoothed over as if it never happened, nor is it destroyed as unacceptable. This imperfection becomes the character of the rug. It is what makes this rug spectacular.

How do you view imperfection?

Do you avoid it and thus fear making mistakes at a high cost to your development?
Do you pretend you never made a mistake and keep on moving forward toward your own vision?
Do you accept mistakes, learn from them and build on them to become a spectacular skater?

 

The weaving of a Navajo rug shares this wisdom:
“Perfection is not the elimination of imperfection.” This is comes from thinking that we need to control everything.
“Perfection is the ability to incorporate our imperfection.”

Make a choice to embrace both your perfection and your imperfection for a healthy and balanced mindset that will allow you to learn and grow in your skating and in life.

If you think you would like to learn how to embrace and manage your pefectionism so that you can make the progress you want in your jumps or in skating, contact me to see if you are a good fit for ICE Mental Skills training.

 

Source: What Made Maddy Run, Kate Fagan
Breathing Under Water:Spirituality and the 12 Steps