Do you compare yourself to others?
Don’t worry.
You’re not alone.
Many athletes do. In fact, it’s a very common issue for the skaters I work with.
When they walk into a competition venue and take a look around them, thoughts like these fill their heads:
- They’re so talented.
- They’re so lucky.
- They’re the same age as me and they already have X jump.
- They’re already landing their triple flip, and they are younger than me.
- There’s no way I can beat them. Will I ever be able to do that? When will it be my turn?
Don’t get me wrong, comparisons are great.
A great way to make yourself miserable.
You might say, “But Coach P, if I’m better than the person I’m comparing myself to, it can be a confidence booster.”
Cool! If you are consistently motivated by comparing yourself to others, then that’s great! You can skip reading this one.
And if you are like many who struggle with comparisons, let’s explore a little more.
First let’s take a look at some valuable benefits of comparisons.
Comparisons can give you:
- A deep sense of defeat.
- A feeling of complete hopelessness.
- The desire to give up.
And, as an added bonus, the more you compare yourself to others, the more those comparisons multiply until they take up most of the room in your head.
On a good day, comparisons will allow you to feel bad about yourself.
On a bad day, they’ll send you into the ultimate downward spiral.
It’s already difficult to recover from a bad day.
Add a spoonful of comparisons to make you feel even worse.
- I’m having a bad day, why am I the only one struggling?
- There’s no way I’ll ever get to that level.
- I’m so bad, I should just quit.
These thoughts get added into your frustration filled mind, dragging you even deeper into the abyss.
How do you begin to tame your habit of making comparisons to others?
You take the focus off of making comparisons, and put it on something else. You work to “change the target of your focus”.
It sounds simple, but it is not easy. Like any new skill, it will take practice and repetition hundreds or more failures until you change this habit.
Oh, I just remembered something, you are an expert at learning complex skills on the ice that require you to practice and repeat, and fail hundreds of times before you succeed.
Switching your focus away from comparing yourself to others is a skill. You are trained to do the work. It takes some work and a lot of patience to get the hang of.
And just like landing that triple jump, the results are totally worth it.
You are wired for distractions
Humans are hard wired for distractions.
This has been the case since ancient times, and continues to this day.
Distractions are essential for human survival.
Your nervous system is always looking for dangers.
Because soon as any danger is detected, your body reacts to keep you safe.
These “dangers” can be physical dangers or imagined dangers.
When you’re at a competition you’re more likely to be run over by a Zamboni than chased by a bear.
And the chances of being run over by said Zamboni are practically zero.
Falling in your program, disappointing coaches and parents, what other people think of you.
These imaginary thoughts can be as real as that run-away Zamboni when we are under pressure.
Comparisons are a distraction.
It’s okay, you are hard wired to be distracted.
When you are distracted, your job is to refocus.
What to focus on
You’ve noticed you’re distracted, and you want to refocus.
But, what do you refocus on?
It’s not what you’re having for dinner (even though it might be tasty).
And, it’s definitely not a comparison (you’re trying to get away from those).
Instead, you want to focus on your current action, what you’re physically doing at this moment in time.
- Eating lunch.
- Studying.
- Sit spin.
- Triple loop.
- Messaging a friend.
- Breathing.
It doesn’t matter what you’re doing.
What matters is that you focus on it.
This is especially important, because if you continue to focus on comparisons, your worries will only get bigger.
Comparisons are like a snowball rolling down a mountain.
They start small, gather speed and momentum and become bigger, bigger and unstoppable.
Maybe, you can’t do a double axel, but SuzySkater can.
At first, you’re only focused on that, but over time the number of problems balloons.
- SuzySkater isn’t tired after her program, but you are.
- SuzySkater has new skates, but you don’t.
- SuzySkater always gets positive GOEs on her combination spin, but you don’t.
- SuzySkater only took one month to get her double lutz, but you took six.
- SuzySkater gets more coaching time than you.
Eventually, comparisons become a habit.
Every time you see SuzySkater, these types of thoughts fill your head.
All of a sudden, there’s no way you’ll ever beat SuzySkater.
She’s too far ahead of you, there’s no way you’ll catch up.
Then, why are you even doing this?
There’s no point, you should just quit.
Whoa! Time out! None of this is real.
Comparing yourself to others drags you down.
Here’s what you do:
- Catch yourself.
- Stop.
- Refocus-on-what-you-are-physically-doing-right-now.
- Repeat
Keep practicing, get hundreds and hundreds of repetitions in.
Over time you are so focused on getting your work done, you forget to compare yourself.
Oh, and you are getting better faster too!