Do you have a friend or rival who competes at the same level as you? Many skaters want to know how to handle this situation and stop comparing themselves to others.
Here are three tips you can use to stop the comparisons and get on with your skating. In the example below I use “training mate,” but you can use it for any situation (i.e. competitor, friend or sibling).
Comparisons to a training mate
You feel pressure and competition from your training mate. You show up and see her every day. It’s a race to see who lands their double axel first.
Current feeling: Fear. Every day you fear your training mate will land her double axel before you. You are frustrated, grumpy and unmotivated.
When you practice your double axel, you criticize yourself for every thing you do wrong. This leads to frustration and feeling hopeless. “I’m not a good skater, everyone is better than me.”
Your friendship suffers because you want to be happy for her, but you want to be the first to land the jump.
This is why comparing yourself negatively to others can be a problem:
- It takes your focus and attention away from practicing your skills.
- You waste time and energy on things you have no control over which makes you feel helpless and frustrated.
- Your confidence slowly erodes and your performance suffers.
- You feel bad.
Question: Can you control if or when your training mate lands her double axel?
Answer: No.
In this situation, you can’t make your training mate disappear. You can’t change anything about your training mate or her ability.
Question: What can you control?
Answer:
- Your thoughts
- Your perspective.
- Your actions.
Handle Your Thoughts
Most often fear and frustration comes from thinking about the future or dwelling on the past instead of facing what is right in front of us. Our thoughts can go 400 miles an hour and make up a million imaginary things that make us feel worse.
At this point it feels like there is nothing you can do to stop the avalanche of unhelpful thoughts.
But you can take action. It isn’t easy, but the more you do it, the easier it will be to:
- Catch your negative thoughts before they take you down the spiral into poor performance.
- Get your head back to focusing on your own improvement.
First, you have to find a little peace from your racing thoughts.
Take these steps. I call them RTBR:
- Recognize your mind is taking a road trip down to “scary fantasy land.”
- Time out: Tell yourself to stop and take a time out.
- Breathe: Take 7 deep breaths.
- Refocus your attention.
Now that you have a temporary space between your thoughts:
Focus on what you can control:
- We feel helpless when we focus on things out of our control.
- We feel power when we focus on things that we can control.
Change Your Perspective
Look for the benefits in any situation. Here are examples of some training mates who benefited from a competitive training environment:
Earlier in their careers Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir, Meryl Davis and Charlie White, and Maia Shibutani and Alex Shibutani all trained under the same coaches.
Yuzuru Hanyu and Javier Fernandez trained together with Brian Orser.
These skaters took advantage of the competitive and energetic environment of their training centers to become among the best in the world.
Now that you know this, could you find a way to use your situation to your advantage?
Examples:
- Take the increased pressure and use it to push you closer to your goals with clarity and focus.
- Instead of practicing with a mindset of fear of being left behind, practice with certainty you are moving towards landing your jump.
- Know that there are enough 2A for everyone. Even if your training mate lands her 2A before you, that doesn’t mean that you won’t land yours. There is no limit on the number of 2As in the world.
It doesn’t mean that she is a better skater than you are. Remember that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and is on their own unique and independent journey to becoming a champion.
Take Action
Remember I mentioned:
- We feel clarity when we focus on things that we can control.
- We feel better when we take action, and worse when we let our thoughts take us on a road trip down to “scary fantasy land.”
Decide what you are going to do in practice to improve your double axel. Make and follow a plan that allows you to take action that will lead to landing your 2A.
Make sure your plan includes:
- Off ice conditioning,
- On-ice exercises and drills
- Mental skills practice
Skating is a difficult sport, and athletes need all of their resources and energy to skate their best.
No one feels good when compared negatively to someone else. It doesn’t matter who you are being compared to or if it is at the rink, school or at home.
If you are the one doing the comparing, STOP! Instead, make it a habit to focus only on things that you can control, and you will be surprised how much your skating can improve.
To build a strong mental game you need to eliminate your stinkin’ thinkin’ and think only in ways that help you succeed. You need to do this consistently, every day, on and off the ice. Over time this mindset will become the only way you think. Start changing your mind now! Download “Confidence Myth Busters,” a complimentary eBook for a jump start!