Everyone wants to do their best, and many of us, as perfectionists, define our “best” as a clean program- no mistakes, no stumbles, and no slip-ups. Sometimes, we achieve this, and we’ll feel amazing for days.
Other times, we make a mistake… or two… or ten. We go from feeling on top of the world to frustrated and disappointed.
As this continues, it can be really difficult to pull yourself out of a negative mindset and get back to feeling motivated.
Often, when athletes get frustrated with themselves, they try to turn things around with a pep talk. “Yeah, I might mess up, but I could also nail it. All I know for sure is that I want to succeed. Really badly.”
Sometimes, that’s all it takes to move forward again. But what do you do when this doesn’t work?
We have all had days where your tank’s running on empty, you feel tired, sore, and mentally and physically exhausted.
At times you feel overly critical of yourself, “I feel like I took too many falls and I’m a terrible skater.”
Sometimes, other people bruise your ego. It can be a coach, a parent, a teammate… anyone who tells you that you’re not trying hard enough.
Does this sound familiar?
- “If only you tried more, you could do it!”
- “It doesn’t look like you’re really trying!”
- “It doesn’t seem like you are working very hard.”
- “You don’t look like you really want it.”
It can be so disheartening. So much so, that sometimes you can’t give it all you have.
You don’t leave it all on the ice… and of course, you feel guilty afterwards.
Your perfectionism comes out of hiding and demands:
- “How could you? You have to skate with everything you have EVERY time!”
- “Why did you even come if you weren’t ready to give it all?”
- “What’s the point, I can’t do this.”
You probably already know that this perfectionist mindset breeds frustration. We have all experienced this first-hand, many times, and it is completely normal, although not productive.
It is important to identify the root causes of why we are feeling frustrated and broken down, so that we can take care of ourselves and get back to our best.
Physical:
Make sure to ask yourself if you have given your body the rest it needs to perform. If you are physically exhausted, you need to make rest and recovery a priority.
Only you can answer this honestly, not your coaches, nor your parents.
Your best may look different from day to day, depending many things such as where your body is in recovery, how busy your non-skating life is and if you have a competition coming up. Accept this so that you can work with your body, not against it, and avoid pushing it beyond its limits.
If you notice that your best is a little less than yesterday, don’t be afraid to share this with your coaches and parents. It’s okay to say that you’re doing the best that you can, but you’re having a tough day.
If you don’t have the mental capacity to lay it all out on the ice, it’s also okay to share this. You can say that right now you need to work hard at focusing on yourself and build your momentum back up.
It’s not under your control whether people believe you or not, but know that you’ve done what you can to help them be understand what you are doing.
Pep talks can be motivating when you need a temporary boost. But they don’t work all the time. They have their limitations.
This is because true motivation doesn’t come from words. You can’t talk yourself into being motivated, it’s a feeling that comes from deep inside you.
Sometimes, you feel motivation intensely. Other times, it may seem to have disappeared entirely.
So how can you consistently motivate yourself?
You have to be real about how much you have to give. Expecting to be 100% every single day is unrealistic, and only sets you up for disappointment and frustration.
If you have limited energy, accept it, then give what you have. If you only have 20% in the tank, great, then give 20%.
When you are having a rough day, start with the little things. Choose what you can do well, give those your best (whatever your best looks like that day), and celebrate the little successes.
Each thing you do well builds momentum and creates a more positive attitude.
Think about making a snowball and then rolling it down a big snowy hill. What does that snowball look like when it gets to the bottom?
Motivation works in the same way. Think of each roll of the snowball as an element (or even an element of an element). Getting the little things right will build you up, bigger and bigger, with each “roll”.
That’s pretty powerful.
So, let’s say you’re having a weaker day, but you like to do twizzle drills. Go and do one up and down the ice. Maybe you’ll notice that your weak side is a little faster. Maybe you feel more balanced than usual. Let that snowball roll!
You’ll start to feel capable of doing the next thing… and the one after that… and the one after that.
Stringing together these small successes will get you through the tough days more effectively than a pep talk would.
To take frustration in stride, and to yourself around:
1) Accept what your best looks like today.
For example: If you have 20%, give all of your 20%. If it’s 100%, give all of that.
2) Take action and celebrate your small successes.
For example: start with backspins to feel more confident with your axis, or, do jump walk throughs to feel good about your positioning. Recognize your tiniest successes!
Your best doesn’t mean perfection, it is giving the most energy you can offer that day.
If you get out on the ice and start working, you’re bound to do something right, no matter how small. Focus on that, and use it as a stepping stone to succeed at the next thing, then the next. Before you know it, you’ll be back to peak performance.
Motivation will come, but only if you adjust your mindset to welcome it.
What’s your favorite way to get motivated and shift your mindset when you’re feeling frustrated?
Mental skills training can help to keep your emotions on an even keel so that you can practice and compete your best.
Start here; download “Confidence Myth Busters,” a complimentary eBook and make a change.