Are you a people pleaser? Do you worry that you’ll be forced to quit or lose training time if you don’t perform well?
Thoughts like these are distractions. They pull you away from what you’re supposed to be focusing on, and cause your performance to tank.
How do we deal with these thoughts? The answer is in this article.
Skatergirl
Skatergirl is in the middle of a lesson with Skatercoach. They’re working on her triple flip, a jump she’s been struggling to get consistent.
Skatergirl catches a glimpse of the lobby out of the corner of her eye. A jolt runs down her spine as she sees a familiar silhouette, and she turns back to get a better look.
Sitting next to the window, iPad in hand, is Skatermom. It appears she decided to come into the rink today to watch Skatergirl’s lesson.
Nerves course through Skatergirl’s body. “Now’s your chance,” she thinks. “You can finally show her how much improvement you’ve made on your triple flip.”
Skatermom has seen videos of Skatergirl’s triple flip, but she hasn’t seen it in person. Whenever she’s in the building, Skatergirl can’t land it to save her life.
Unfortunately, today is no different. No matter how hard she tries, Skatergirl can’t land her triple flip.
Later that week, Skatergirl meets with Mentalgamecoach.
“I hear you’ve been having trouble with your triple flip,” Mentalgamecoach says. “Tell me. What’s it like in your head when you’re working on your triple flip with your Skatercoach and things are going well?”
Skatergirl pauses for a moment to think.
“Not much,” she says. “Usually, my mind is pretty quiet.”
“Great. Now, what’s it like in your head when Skatermom is watching?”
“I guess, I talk to myself a lot,” Skatergirl says.
“What do you say?”
“Things like, ‘come on, you can do this,’ and ‘you can land this, you’ve done it before.’”
“I see,” Mentalgamecoach says. “Now tell me, what does that chatter have to do with executing the jump?”
“Nothing,” Skatergirl says.
“That’s right,” Mentalgamecoach says. “It’s a distraction.”
Communication
People pleasing is a distraction, and I’ve gone over how to deal with distractions in other articles. But, there another way you can deal with people pleasing.
Communication.
Ugh. Why communication? That’s so hard.
Yes, it definitely is. But, communication can be a very valuable tool.
- “If I don’t land my triple flip at competition, my parents might take away ice time.”
- “If I don’t make top three, then I’ll have to quit.”
- “What if my coach cuts down on lessons, if I don’t perform well at nationals?”
These are all worries that can easily be resolved through communication.
Go to your parent or coach. Talk to them. Get clarification.
Will they really take away your ice time? Will they really force you to quit if you don’t make the podium?
Instead of endlessly worrying about it, talk to them and find out.
Odds are, your worries are unfounded. And if they aren’t, at least you’ll know for sure.
It’s better than worrying about something that might or might not be true. At least this way you’ll be able to come up with a plan.
Conclusion
From the moment we are born we are hardwired to please our parents. In school it becomes our teachers, and in sports it becomes our coaches.
It’s human nature to people please. But, people pleasing and the worries that come with it are distractions.
The best way to deal with people pleasing is through communication. Talk to your parents and coaches. Get answers. That way, you can come up with a plan instead of worrying.
If skaters took Mental skills training as seriously as they do their on ice technical skills, they would find that their technical skills would improve exponentially.
Start here. Download “Confidence Myth Busters,” a complimentary eBook and make a change.