When the Confidence Pops
They say that self-confidence is the best outfit you can wear, but Skatergirl feels like hers doesn’t fit anymore.
Her thoughts are no longer in the present. She used to be a good skater.
She thinks of her accomplishments. She won regionals as a Juvenile and went on to qualify for Sectionals as a Novice. One year, she made it all the way to nationals. But then things started falling apart.
The high mountain she was excited to climb seems to be plateauing. Did she already reach her peak?
This year Skatergirl started landing her triple lutz pretty consistently right before Regionals. Her coach had her put it into her program. However, she fell on it and missed qualifying by one point. Then, after taking a short break after Regionals, she got sick and was unable to skate for a few days. Unfortunately, when she was cured of her illness, she also seemed to be cured of her triple lutz. A very undesirable side effect.
To make matters worse, not only was her lutz gone, her flip and her toeloop also went missing.
Now it has been two months and Skatergirl is still lutz-less, flip-less and loop-less. Instead of starting to work on her triple axel, she is frantically trying to recover the jumps she lost. To her it this seems almost hope-less.
She looks around and sees that her training mate, IntermediateSkatergirl, has started landing her triple lutz. And she is three years younger!
Sigh. Skatergirl is now filled with “lutz” of doubts.
Is It All Worth It?
Skatergirl’s confidence has taken a hit. She is unhappy. It’s not easy for her to watch her younger training mate move forward when she is stuck in the same place.
She can’t believe that after all this time, she still can’t land her jumps. On top of that, she didn’t even qualify for Sectionals this year. Is she just stuck or could she actually be moving backward?
Why am I skating? Does it make sense to continue?
Her friends have other seemingly easier, more fun priorities. They are getting ready for prom, homecoming parties and going to dances. They are hanging out together. They are finding boyfriends.
Skatergirl, on the other hand, is in the rink falling on her butt over, and over, and over, and over.
She thinks that maybe she should be doing things that the other kids her age are doing. She shouldn’t be wasting her youth when she isn’t going to go anywhere.
What is she doing with her life?
Sure, being a skater was her dream. But if your dream starts feeling like a nightmare, is it worth it?
The Disconte(lepha)nt
Skatergirl has been avoiding the elephant in the room. Ignoring the whispers of her discontent.
But unlike an elephant (who never forgets), she seems to have forgotten the reason she started skating in the first place.
Or maybe she has forgotten the true reason she skates. Is it truly to make the team and “get the jacket?” Or is it the passion and accomplishment that fills her up when she feels like she is flying each time she leaves the ice for a triple jump.
With no roots or vision, she is adrift. In this state of hopelessness and overwhelm, it is natural for her to feel like she wants to give up. To quit.
Not everyone is cut out to be a competitive skater. It takes a lot of dedication, resilience and hard work. It is a technically complex sport that requires years of practice, with 2-3 hours of practice on ice and 2-3 hours off-ice work on a daily basis.
If you add mental game training it’s another hour per week.
It can take 6-10 years to become competent and even more to become a master.
The training is physically painful and emotionally draining. Skaters have to sacrifice many things that their peers take for granted.
So if being a competitive skater is your goal, it is best that it is something you love and are willing to commit to.
The reality is that your life will revolve around the rink, the competitions and training schedules. Your vacations and downtime need to be scheduled around your training.
Skating requires a lot from you and your family, so it is important for you to be crystal clear before you commit to it.
Skater’s Choice
It is completely natural for competitive skaters to have occasional doubts about their commitment to the sport.
Many skaters and parents think that if one is truly committed, that they would eat, sleep and dream skating. They might also believe that a truly committed skater should never have any doubts throughout their entire career. But this is not realistic.
Doubt is a small word that depicts a world of uncertainty, lack of confidence or even fear of failure.
It doesn’t feel good to have doubts. But good things can come out of examining your doubts bravely. Doubt can:
- Make you take a closer look at things.
- Help you look for better ways of doing things.
- Help you make necessary changes to get you moving in the right direction.
- Strengthen your commitment to the path you are currently on.
Yes, doubts about whether skating is worth your continued effort and sacrifice can renew and re-energize your commitment to the sport.
Once recommitted, you will skate with more purpose and direction..
It is all about Perspective.
As F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.”
Here’s what to do if you ever find yourself in Skatergirl’s shoes:
- If you have doubts, instead of ignoring them, take the time to examine them.
- Remember why you wanted to skate.
- Remember, skating or not is ultimately your choice.
- Recommit if skating is your choice.
- Remember your reasons for skating.
If you choose to recommit to skating, your resolve will be stronger, your motivation greater and your momentum better.
Things will turn around if you do. You will be on track to rebuild your confidence with the clarity of your recommitment.
At the end of the day, you must remember that it is your choice.
You need to be on board and willing to practice, fall, do the repetitive work that it takes to improve. You need to decide whether you are willing to sacrifice some activities like dances or social outings.
Nothing in skating is guaranteed. Just because you do the work does not mean you will be a champion. The dream is just the beginning, the desire and determination is what will take you to the finish line. Well in this case, the finish rink.
The thrill of winning lasts a moment, while practice takes years and years. You have to be sure about your purpose for skating.
Once you commit, fully immerse yourself.
It can be very healthy to take stock each year. See what is working and what is not, what you need to improve. Or to decide what you want to do more of or what you want to change in your training.
But rather than fight the question of life beyond skating, explore it and make your own choice. There is a difference between giving up and knowing when you have had enough.
You just need to be happy with your choice. In the words of Wayne Dyer, “Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.”
So are you hearing any whispers of discontentment when it comes to skating? Have you been feeling like you’ve lost your confidence? Have you reached your endpoint or are you afraid of failing? I would love to hear your experience so share in the comments!
Mental skills training can help to keep your emotions on an even keel so that you can practice and compete your best. Start here; download “Confidence Myth Busters,” a complimentary eBook and make a change.