Don’t Worry, Be Happy
Positive thinking is one of the most important aspects of success.
– Bill McDowell
So called experts, social media, titles of books, people you meet; everywhere you look, you are told to think positive, to find an optimistic side in every negative or stressful situation.
In the skating world, you are encouraged to visualize your success. Visualize doing a clean program. Believe you are great. Tell yourself you can do it. You can do your triple lutz, no problem.
This sounds good in theory. You tried to be positive, even told yourself, “I am a great skater, I can skate a clean program. I got this.”
Easier Said Than Done
“Always be positive”, (trips down stairs), “Whew, I got down those stairs fast” – Unknown
But saying and believing it are two different things. Life is not the Hogwarts School of Skating where you can think a very happy thought, say “Expecto Patronum,” and magically make your Dementors (things that cause your greatest fears) go away.
Deep down, you feel you are not good enough so you can’t fully buy into the “happy thought” completely. At this moment in your development, you are not capable of skating a clean program because your elements aren’t ready. When you compare yourself to your competitors, they all seem so much better than you.
So you try really hard to practice visualization and to change your negative thoughts into positive ones, but after a few weeks, you give up. You didn’t see any results, it was too hard, so you concluded that this mumbo jumbo was not worth it. You are not worth it.
The muscles of your negative mindset are much stronger than the muscles of your positive mindset. That makes sense since you have exercised them so much more.
So the negative thoughts easily beat any positive notions on the battlefield of your mind. The belief that you are not good enough continues to be your best friend or at least the one you can’t get rid of.
When you try to think positively, your mind says you are lying to yourself and the momentum you are trying to build falls apart.
“I just can’t believe it, this is not true.”
In your heart, you understand that to be successful, you must change your thinking and decrease your negative beliefs about yourself and your abilities. But nothing you have tried seems to work. Instead of a mindset shift, you end up feeling worse than before, because now, you are failure at mental skills too.
A Leap of Failure
The problem is not your approach, but the size of the gap between your negative thought and the positive one (your goal).
It’s like standing at the bottom of Mt. Everest saying “Wingardium Leviosa” and hoping to levitate to the top of the mountain. It’s not possible, your logical mind resists, “this is too big a leap.”
While cultivating a positive mindset is desirable and commendable, since this is not something you are accustomed to, you’ll need to practice it, over time. Trying to change your negative mindset into a positive one overnight will only result in a positive failure.
You can’t get to the top of a mountain with one huge leap. You must take it, one step at at time. Take it from Miley Cyrus, it is about the climb.
There is a misconception about mental strength; that if you have a strong mindset, you should be able to dispel all negative thinking quickly and completely. But mental strength is not magic, or about immediate results.
Mental strength is cultivated, practiced and built over time in stages until you think differently. Mental strength is learned and practiced just like a double axel. You earn it.
Our mind needs to buy into what we think. We can’t fool our minds into thinking something we don’t believe. That is like trying to sell beach front property to a fish (yes, you need this, it will make your life complete.)
The Stepping Solution
It’s not that changing your mindset is impossible. It just means that you need to take little steps upwards instead of trying to suddenly think uplifting thoughts when you are down in the dumps.
So instead of trying to believe that you will be great in a competition when you have had a run of disastrous program run throughs, find one or two things that are good in your program and start there.
Baby Steps
1. Make a list of all the things in your program that you can do well.
- Start small to get the ball rolling.
- For example – “My opening position is stable.”, “My combo spin is centered and fast.”
2. Then continue to make a list of the things you can do:
- I can do this part of my program well
- I can rotate my triple loop
- I can land my triple toe
- My spins are excellent
- I have practiced this program a lot this year
3. Write out the things you want to improve.
For example: I fall on my triple flip in program. I want to land it.
Instead of being stuck with complaining about what you can’t do, make a list of the things you can do in that element:
- My entrance pretty good
- Air position is good
4. Now make a plan for what you need to work on:
- I want to work on more exercises that will help me with my timing.
By doing this you are changing your perspective from looking at the bad stuff to focusing on the things you do well, and you are taking concrete action to address the things you need to work on.
The more you look for things you do well, the more you see.
Eventually you will realize that things you can do in your program outweigh the things you can’t. You break free of the worry and stress that had you stuck in negative, back into reality. Perspective shift complete.
Your mind joins in and you will feel a little bit better, then a little bit better, then a little bit more…
In this way you build momentum towards greater confidence in your abilities. You will no longer be a Debbie Downer but a Positive Patricia.
And if all else fails, listen to “The Climb” on repeat. You’re welcome.
Have you had challenges developing a positive mindset? Do negative thoughts always win in the battle of your mind? Share your story and what you do to build your mental strength. I’d love to hear from you!
Mental skills training can help to keep your emotions on an even keel so that you can practice and compete your best.
Start here; download “Confidence Myth Busters,” a complimentary eBook and make a change.