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Skaters tie themselves in knots with worry that Judges won’t “like” their programs or with comparisons to others who seem to be “ahead” of them in skills. The more they worry, the more their confidence suffers. Eventually their improvement seems to be at a stand still, and frustration rules.
To be aware of how the judges score you and what your competitors are doing is a normal part of striving to be the best at what you do. It is useful information if used correctly. What you do with this information and how you react to it can make a huge difference to your success.
Tackling this problem is bigger than sports. For example, running a business is like working to succeed in competitive figure skating. The public (you the reader) are the judges. You decide if you want to follow me or read my blogs. Of course I feel sad when someone unsubscribes from my email list, and I sometimes compare myself to other coaches who seem to be having great success and wonder if I should change my message to be more popular.
Stay Out of Other People’s Business
You can gather information about many mental skills techniques on the internet, but it takes practice and work to experience the real benefit in skating and in life.
For example, even though I practice mental skills everyday, and teach them to my students, I am human. I sometimes worry about those 2 people who have unsubscribed from my list.
If I let myself, I could dwell on them and waste hours trying to guess what caused them to unsubscribe. But doing my mental skills training every day helps me leave those 2 people behind and focus back on my work with no loss of confidence.
Here is how mental skills training works:
The truth is, there are many reasons someone could unsubscribe that have nothing to do with me. Unless someone tells me the reason they left the list, I will never know the reason and it is a waste of time to guess.
Are there times when you worry about what your coach, a judge or competitor is thinking about you? Skaters and parents waste time and stress over things like this all the time. Often it is the topic of lobby talk at the rink. Unless you ask that person what they are thinking, you are just wasting precious time and energy guessing.
Stop Mindreading
Many skaters and parents watch a coach during a lesson and try to mind read.
“Oh, he is really frustrated with her because she keeps falling.”
“She is really frustrated at me, look at her face.”
Skaters and parents make up stories in their heads based on the outward appearance and actions of a coach or judge. Many times this information is incorrect and leads to loss of confidence, stress and self doubts.
There are many reasons for a scowl on a coach or judge’s face, and the only way to know the truth is to ask.
Here are some common reasons for a “stern or angry face.”
- They were caught in traffic and barely made it to work on time.
- They have a stomach ache.
- They focusing very closely on you during your lesson.
- They are trying to create a solution for you and are mad at themselves for not knowing the answer.
- They are distracted by something in their life other than your skating.
The Few or the Many
Is your people pleasing behavior holding you back?
If I found out the reason these two people unsubscribed was because they didn’t agree with what I wrote, it would not change the information I share. I need to write the truth, not what people want to hear.
If I worried about pleasing everyone or making everyone “like” me, I would be an ineffective Mental Skills Coach. Sometimes the truth is hard to hear. People aren’t ready for the time commitment or the effort and follow through it takes to change their mindset. I accept it as part of the job.
If I worried about the two people lost, I would neglect the thousands of people who are committed to improvement and are not afraid of changing their way of thinking for the better.
Stop Being Ridiculous
I hope when you think about my “unsubscribe” example, you find it ridiculous. I used it as true example of how easy it is for anyone to waste precious time and emotional stress about things they guess are happening (mindreading). Rather than using that time and energy to do something that will help them reach their goals.
Many skaters are taught from an early age to do what their coach, parent or judge say to do. This has helped them to rise the ranks in skill. They are praised for being “coachable.” This is great and will continue to be beneficial through their career.
Very often as skaters hit the ‘tween years, and as early as 10 years old, this “coachable” trait turns into the rule (or self created expectation) of, “I have to please everyone.”
This is a common problem. Skaters feel paralyzed and stuck because they feel the need to be perfect in order for everyone to “like” them. In order for their coach to keep giving them lessons, they need to skate perfectly.
At the same time, skaters start to realize that pleasing everyone is impossible. They are stuck in a no win situation. They stall in skill development, and are anxious and unable to practice effectively because they are unwilling to make mistakes.
Mastering skating technique requires practice. Practice means you make mistakes, correct them and repeat. You need to allow yourself to make mistakes in order to improve.
It is impossible to be perfect all the time your coach is watching you. Your coach is teaching, you are learning. Learning and development includes mistakes.
From No Win to Win-Win
Are you tied up in knots because you don’t want to make mistakes in front of your coach or parents?
This is a no win situation, from beginners to elite skaters.
Allow your coach or the judges to do their job. They look for things in your skating that need improvement, then teach you how to improve so that you can reach your goals.
Do your job. Skate your best, practice your best. Make mistakes, reflect and improve.
Action plan
- Allow yourself to make mistakes, they are an important part of the developmental process.
- When you feel frustration or worry about what other people think about you, remember this is “irrelevant” to practicing your double axel.
- Redirect your focus to what is relevant: your skating, your element, the task at hand.
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Get a good foundation of Mental Skills before you find yourself faced with a competition. To build a strong mental game you need to learn the techniques and practice them over time. You need to do this consistently, every day, on and off the ice. Over time this mindset will become natural. Then it will be there for you when you need it.
Start your journey to worry free competition. Download “Confidence Myth Busters,” a complimentary eBook now or call me and let’s talk!